Chimayo Chili Pepper

Food Dude: Dining for dad

He wasn't alone in this behavior; I saw it all the time up and down Lost Creek Boulevard in suburban Austin, Texas . For years, I gave friends license to shoot if I was seen in such attire.

And then there I was, just this morning, surveying the backyard's new crop of peppers and tomatoes, lending a sip to a particularly parched Chimayo chile plant, when I noticed that I was in my stocking feet — namely, the blue argyles I went to bed in last night.

While the watering was impromptu, I'm certain this behavior can only lead to full afternoons assassinating weeds, feet protected only by sheer stockings speckled with martini glasses, pink flamingos or paisleys.

The upside to this development is I now feel qualified to speak on behalf of dads the world over, both those who haven't reached this miserable milestone and those long past it, as Father's Day approaches and feeding us will be your lot.

The first step is identifying where in the Dad Cycle your pop resides and how that relates to the way he wants to be regaled. The second is to determine what to make him or where to take him. Inside today's paper, we have some recipes to choose from, but the most important thing to do is find out his favorite — before Sunday — and deliver it. In tomorrow's Mood section, I'll have a list of places to consider if dining out.

And now, the stages of dad:

New Dad: A new dad vacillates between joy and sheer terror. I remember nights checking in on my first born in his crib every half-hour to make sure he was still breathing for at least three months. I also remember lying on the floor with him asleep on my chest while I watched “ X-Files ” reruns in the middle of the night and loving it. For this dad, comfort food is the best choice. Something in a meatloaf or fried chicken, perhaps made by his mother if possible.

Full-House Fred: This is a guy with children 10 or younger, and this is one busy guy. The kids are starting to eat more than he ever anticipated, the pay is probably not yet exactly where he hoped it would be and his day is a series of questions to which only he has the answers: “Can we go to a movie?” “Can you pick up some milk on the way home?” “Did you get the memo about the TPS reports?” “Can I play T-ball?” “Can I take ballet lessons?” “Can we afford a vacation this year?” “Are you aware our workday starts at 8 a.m.?” Trust me, this dad needs a break. Make him a nice breakfast, let him open some gifts and leave the man alone. Wives, take your kids to a movie or the pool and let the man rekindle his affair with the sofa in peace. Check back in at sundown with burgers or a pizza. Don't subject him to stressing over the kids tossing straws onto the next table until next weekend.